Five Kinds Of Love | Family And Relationships

 

 

Family And Relationships

Five kinds of love

Romantic love through the eyes of psychologists originally considered the theme of love in the psychology of "forbidden" But modern psychologists have created some of their formulas by which they try to explain the riddle of romantic love.

Five kinds of love

Initially considered the theme of love in the psychology of "forbidden" But modern psychologists we have created some of their formulas by which they try to explain the riddle of romantic love. 1. Love as an illness American psychologist Dorothy Tennov in his book "Love and Love" described the passionate romantic love as a blind biological mechanism, to provide our ancestors' ability not only to proliferate, but also a time to raise children together. Tennov not think love real love, and describes it as the most painful condition, having the following symptoms. 1. Persistent obsessive thoughts about the object of love. 2. Acute, painful need for reciprocal feelings of the object. 3. A sense of euphoria in the case of reciprocity. 4. Focus on the object of love to such an extent that one can ignore the important responsibilities and do not solve the immediate problem. 5. Distorted perception of the object of love, often bordering on delirium. At the same time the positive qualities of objects are exaggerated, and negative or ignored, or considered to be attractive. 6. Strong sexual attraction to the love object. Tennov stressed that although the love and the simple desire to have sex-not the same, love without sexual attraction does not exist, since it lies at its core. According to her, healed from the "disease of love" is almost impossible. There are only two possible cure for love. The first - to cease all contact with the object. This method is very painful and almost inevitably lead to depression, but a normal person in love with the fade. Another way - to start a relationship. Feature of "painful" love is that it disappears, usually within 1-4 years. It is no accident say that people often divorced four years later. However Tennov does not consider forecasts for couples necessarily pessimistic. In addition to love, it also highlights the true love, which is characteristic of the rare examples of happy monogamous couples who stay together for a long time. Such love much "calmer": it is not peculiar obsession with another person, and it is not like madness. 2. Love is like a chemistry A large number of scientific papers encroach on romantic love with trivial physiological point of view - the scientists wondered what biochemical processes contribute to the romantic feelings. For example, in one experiment, the interviewer approached the girl to young people and leave them to your phone after the interview. It turned out that men are more likely to call back to it, if before that crossed the mountain river - the thrill of physical activity contribute to a romantic interest. Certain hormones and other substances associated with it with love, in particular the following. 1. Phenylethylamine - a substance that in trace amounts (very little!) Produced in the brain. It is largely responsible for "mad" love. In action very similar to cocaine or other drugs from the class of stimulants, so it makes you feel the excitement, euphoria and sexual desire in love. Unfortunately, the effect of phenylethylamine time, people get used to it and the beloved is no longer the same "chemical reaction." 2. Oxytocin. Fortunately, only the euphoria phenylethylamine reliance is not necessary: ​​there is oxytocin - a hormone that is produced in the brain and acts on the reproductive organs (men and women), as well as promotes the release of milk in nursing mothers. In addition to the above, oxytocin is responsible for sensitivity to touch. It is he who makes us want to "hug", and also helps to resist stress. Its level in the blood increases when communicating with loved ones, especially if it has a tactile contact. Oxytocin is able to bind us to the person and to maintain a relationship when phenylethylamine ceased to operate. What's interesting is that the better a person applies to himself, the better he balance of these two substances, the more successful his choice of partner. 3. Love is like a triangle psychologist Zick Rubin proposed to consider romantic love as a set of three elements - attachment, caring and intimacy: 1. Affection - the need for care, approval, and physical contact with another person. For example, the attachment points to an urgent desire to complain to your loved one, if you are ill or lonely. 2. Caring - concern about other people's needs and happiness more than my own. The feeling of care forces us to put first the interests of another person, to worry about it, seek help and comfort. 3. Intimacy means common thoughts, desires and feelings that unite two people. The greater the intimacy, the more trust between people, the greater the desire to share ideas and emotions. On the basis of these three components Rubin even developed a scale, which literally can be assessed, "the power of love." 4. Love is like a palette in his book "Colors of Love" psychologist John Alan Lee saw not the essence of romantic love and its variations. He compares love with the color wheel. It has three primary colors, and we consider that there are three basic styles of love. He called them nice and in Greek - Eros and Ludos Storge: 1. Eros - love for the ideal man. 2. Ludos - Love as a game. 3. Storge - Love as friendship. Continuing the analogy with a palette, Lee suggested that the three primary colors can be combined to create complementary colors. The result is a nine varieties of love. For example, if the palette to mix love Eros and Ludos, then turn Mania - obsessive love. Similarly, if you mix and Ludos Storge, you get Pragma - a realistic and practical love. If the mix Eros and Storge, you get Agape - compassionate and selfless love. 5. Love is like a friendship is one of the classics of "Psychology of Love" by Elaine Hatfield and his colleagues identified two types of love: compassionate and passionate. 1. Passionate love is associated with severe and uncontrolled emotions. According to Hatfield, it depends on our upbringing and fortuitous circumstances - the situation or some personal characteristics of the person indicate to us that it is "romantic" - and the brain receives a signal to fall in love. 2. Compassionate love is qualitatively different, ideally passionate love should go into compassionate. This love is based on common values, and it can be called love, friendship, just as people like to communicate, spend time together. Perfect love, perhaps, could unite passionate love and a stable love, friendship, but, according to Hatfield is a great rarity. That is why the extinction of passion is best experienced those couples who have common cultural and moral values, and a common view of the world.