How to extinguish the conflict
Conflicts are not only bad for our health and mood, but also often are very costly in material terms. After a frustrated man can not continue to work hard, and his thoughts are concentrated not on the job. So how do you repay the conflict and to reassure the partner, and yourself?
Instruction how to extinguish the conflict
This problem is solved in two steps. In the first step, remove the sharpness of the conflict, set up the second point of the i. Must pass between stages 3 to 48 hours. The time that you need to wait depends on how fast your partner is able to calm down. Begin the second stage ahead of time - a conflict flares up even more late - your partner will not have a desire to solve the problem and, quite possibly, the conflict persists because of unresolved problems.
The first stage proceed as soon as possible, ideally - before sunset, or before bedtime. At night, the brain processes the information day and draws conclusions. If you go to sleep without making peace, in the morning you and the partner will have to overcome the barrier has made the brain of negative findings.
In the first stage do, "anesthesia". First you need to find a way out of the situation, imagine that the conflict is not with you. Then it is easier to find a part of his guilt. Having found it, frankly admitted his guilt, as if insulting or unfair it would seem. In this case you must have a guilty mind, acting in such a situation it is quite possible and even necessary.
When you will fall accusations, move them to a neutral form, simultaneously alleviating guilt. On the accusation "We always live in a pigsty" answer: "I know that you love to clean and try, but I do not always have the strength to ensure that everything was done the way you like."
Then try to eliminate the subject of the conflict, for example, to get out at least superficially, to feed the hungry husband to buy a good wine and a good movie. And leave the situation alone, it is better until the next morning.
But at this stage it is impossible to stop. The underlying cause of conflict persists because, in this example is that you allow yourself to fall out and be rude to each other due to the cleaning. In the morning get up early, prepare fragrant coffee and buns (ideally - bake themselves to the husband woke up and smelled baking), set breakfast before bed. And then call a frank conversation.
Start with the fact that you can not cope with the problem without his help. If you work full time, it is fair to ask her husband to help in cleaning. The most unpleasant procedure can be performed with a frequency of 2: 1, that is, the husband performs this procedure once every three weeks. Add that by doing so it will show an example of how to do it right. And you stay 2 weeks will be on him.
Then tell me what you really hurt to hear it in a raised voice, and insults, and because of this it is difficult to concentrate on work. And listen to how he proposes to continue to express their dissatisfaction with the more gentle methods. Humor does not hurt. You can look for other options for a compromise solution to the problem. The main thing - you need to accurately convey to her husband, that the insults are not allowed in your relationship with him.
Any conflicts are resolved, recognizing primarily the fault, it is the price of peace. But at this stage it is impossible to stop, you need to find the right moment and prepare the ground for such a conflict did not arise in the future.